The Still kickin blog
Building a braver, more supportive world, one person at a time
That's Right, we started a blog!
It's 2020 and everyone has a blog, so we figured it was time for us to hop on the bandwagon. In the five years that Still Kickin has existed, we have collected so much amazing content from so many incredible people that we thought it was time to write it all down somewhere. Make sure to check in to get advice on how to juggle everything life throws at you.
The 5-Minute Self-Care Plan
If there’s another phrase that’s buzzier (and emptier) than self-care, we don’t want to know what it is. Is self-care eating salad? Watching Netflix? Pressing ignore on a call you don’t want to take? Yes, and, it’s really about being in tune with where you are and what you need.When we’re in crisis (or even just stressed out), the idea of taking care of ourselves is just too much. That’s why you’re going to do this work now, when you’re okay-ish. So that when you’re not okay, your future self can look back at your past self and think, “Wow, they totally had my back. Thanks, past me.”
Grab a sheet of paper (or open a Google doc) and set a timer for 5 minutes. Go.
am i Normal?
Grief is universal and personal all at once. It’s a physical, emotional and spiritual experience, all mixed up in the worst recipe of all time. When you’re grieving, everything is backwards, upside down and inside out all at once and it seems like no one gets it.And in a way, nobody does. Not really, at least. Because your grief is yours. Even if you’re grieving the same person, everyone is grieving their version of that person. Their experience of them, their relationship to them, their future with them.In grief, everyone wants to know if they’re doing it right. If what they’re feeling — and how they react to those feelings — is normal.Here is a (nonexhaustive) list of COMPLETELY NORMAL grief things:
- Giving your dead person’s clothes away the day after they die
- Asking for those clothes back several months later
- Fighting over the wording of an obituary
- Fighting over who came to the funeral — or who didn’t
- Fighting about who sat where at the funeral
- Fighting about basically anything that you wouldn’t fight about in any other situation
- Balking at the cost of a funeral lunch and deciding to only offer light snacks instead
- Being sad that nobody ate the snacks, or someone ate too many of the snacks, or you didn’t get the snack you wanted
- Wearing your dead person’s socks… or underwear
- Seeing their face in every crowd, even years later
- Keeping anything (literally anything, Nora kept her husband’s nose hair trimmer) your person may have touched
- Selling or donating anything the dead person might have touched
- Staying in your house
- Never staying anywhere near your house
- Spreading the ashes in a solemn ceremony
- Keeping the ashes for five years in the back of the closet until you finally dump some in the backyard
- Not sending thank-you cards for all the nice stuff that people did/are doing for you
- Celebrating your dead person’s birthday
- Celebrating their deathday (Nora prefers to call it a deathaversary)
- Feeling like you will never love again
- Feeling like you could (and possibly did) fall in love with a body pillow
- Getting very into fitness
- Getting very into drinking (not advised)
- Getting very into staring at your phone for 12 hours a day
There are things you won’t find on this checklist, by the way. Things Nora did, like
- Yelling at your mom for burning the wrong candle
- Getting a lot of tattoos
- Dying your hair purple, and then instantly regretting it
Maybe you did all of these, or none of these. Maybe your list is completely different. Great!
Our friend Dr. Anna Roth, a licensed holistic psychologist and grief expert, recommends that you stop asking if something is normal and instead ask, “is this helpful?”
Forget normal. Your focus right now needs to be on what is helpful to you. And if that means you keep your husband’s nose hair trimmer in your make-up case? You do that. It’s your grief.